The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize