"it" just moved
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
