So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
