imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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