Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
