A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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