I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
