I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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