we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
honey bunches of taint.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
