Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
