did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
