She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
