After last night, I could never be a politician.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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