what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
