Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
