mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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