I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
