Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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