I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize