I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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