is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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