I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
