I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
