Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
