You're completely useless in the revolution.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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