dude i'm inner monologue high
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
