i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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