I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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