After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
