Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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