Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
