I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
