This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
