5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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