Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
