Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
