I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Houston, we have a blender
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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