My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
