I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
