I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
