I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
