chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
