I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
