Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
