Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
