Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
COCAINE IS GR8
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
