At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i wish my penis had a tongue
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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