I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
