It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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