are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
