I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Vodka?
Forever.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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