Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
