Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
