Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
