North Korea, Best Korea!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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