the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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