Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
