We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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