your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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