i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
