Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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