i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
