3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
