He asked me if I "almost moaned"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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