i don't plan on having that self control this summer
what day is it and did you see me today?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
