in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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