There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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