I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize