then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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