you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
