yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
